Heather at Desperately Seeking Sanity is having a contest. She wants to know Where He Met You! It's a fantastic game and I'm loving reading everyone's stories. Take a gander, you won't be sorry...
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It took me a while to figure out why a 'normal', attractive girl like me would spend so many years with a guy who repeatedly treated her like crap. I'm not proud of it, but I had had a lot of really nice boyfriends. None of whom ever treated me the way Jon treated me. And yet, I went back to him over and over and OVER.
I realize now, I was made for him. No, not just created by God to be his life partner. I mean that things in my my childhood had trained me to put up with that crap. I don't blame my parents for all my years of trouble, they did the best they could considering how they were raised. My intention here is not to blame, or bad-mouth anyone. I have learned a lot about myself by examining my past experiences and it has really helped me to move forward. If anyone from my family is reading this, please let me know if anything here offends you or if there's anything you want me to take down.
First let me say, I have repeated many of my mother's bad choices. My dad was a charmer & a manipulator ( did I mention: Married!). Mom was 19 and pregnant within 3 months of meeting him. They stayed together. She quit school. I was 5 when they got married and 6 when they became 'born again'. They were renting a house from a wonderful Christian couple and we became part of a small church fellowship. I have many wonderful memories of that church family, summer camp, Sunday school, pot-lucks, and more. But for the most part my home was chaotic, unhappy & unstable. 3 more children were added to the mix. You know, cause we didn't have enough 'excitement', God sent 3 boys.
I was 7 when my first bro was born and 12 when the last came along, my parents had a built-in babysitter. There are a lot of feelings mixed up in this for me, it's really hard to even put it down. I know my parents were well-intended, but my dad really really had no idea how to raise kids or love anyone. He was angry at the world for who-knows-what and his expectations of my mom and us kids were so unbelievably unrealistic. He worked shift-work, so for a few (fantastic) days we wouldn't see him and then when he was around, everyone walked on eggshells. You just never knew what would set him off.
At 12 I discovered boys and they liked me a whole lot more than my dad seemed to, but I was still pretty much a good girl. I needed attention. I needed love. I needed security. What I really needed was a daddy.
At 12 I was also bulimic for several months and tried to overdose on pills. My parents were out and I was babysitting my brothers again. I was lonely and angry and I took every pill I could find (which really wasn't much...probably a handful of extra-strength tylenol)). Then I went to my room in the basement and 'laid down to die'. Later I woke up, my mouth felt swollen and dry. I was dizzy but I crawled up to the 2nd floor to my parents room, where they were now sleeping having come home from wherever they were. I recall so clearly going into my parents room, heaving, sobbing, ashamed, and scared. They sat up in bed, probably pretty freaked out, asking me what was wrong. I just couldn't get the words out. My father looked at me with his glare and said "you're pregnant". That moment is imprinted in my memory. I had barely kissed a boy at that point.
At 14 I met Yvonne. I hadn't had a good Christian friend for many years and my parents had been praying that God would send me one. Yvonne was a real live answer to prayer at a time in my life when I really really needed one. Just after I met her, my dad was transferred to Ottawa and started working there right away. The market was terrible in Wpg at that time and it took 18months for our house to sell. Things were great at home while he was gone, and absolutely unbearable when he was home.
I had met Yvonne at something called Come to the Cross. CTTC was held monthly for youth and organized by youth. The organizers, the band, the speaker...all youth. It was a powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit in a way I had never experienced before. All my years of church I had never known Jesus , but I met Him there. CTTC grew out of almost every church in the city. The worship would go on far longer than planned, no one wanted to leave. It was an amazing time in my life, despite the fact that things at home were getting worse.
Looking back now, I can see what God was doing giving me that amazing experience and the deposit of the Holy Spirit. He knew things were going to get much much harder.
It took me a while to figure out why a 'normal', attractive girl like me would spend so many years with a guy who repeatedly treated her like crap. I'm not proud of it, but I had had a lot of really nice boyfriends. None of whom ever treated me the way Jon treated me. And yet, I went back to him over and over and OVER.
I realize now, I was made for him. No, not just created by God to be his life partner. I mean that things in my my childhood had trained me to put up with that crap. I don't blame my parents for all my years of trouble, they did the best they could considering how they were raised. My intention here is not to blame, or bad-mouth anyone. I have learned a lot about myself by examining my past experiences and it has really helped me to move forward. If anyone from my family is reading this, please let me know if anything here offends you or if there's anything you want me to take down.
First let me say, I have repeated many of my mother's bad choices. My dad was a charmer & a manipulator ( did I mention: Married!). Mom was 19 and pregnant within 3 months of meeting him. They stayed together. She quit school. I was 5 when they got married and 6 when they became 'born again'. They were renting a house from a wonderful Christian couple and we became part of a small church fellowship. I have many wonderful memories of that church family, summer camp, Sunday school, pot-lucks, and more. But for the most part my home was chaotic, unhappy & unstable. 3 more children were added to the mix. You know, cause we didn't have enough 'excitement', God sent 3 boys.
I was 7 when my first bro was born and 12 when the last came along, my parents had a built-in babysitter. There are a lot of feelings mixed up in this for me, it's really hard to even put it down. I know my parents were well-intended, but my dad really really had no idea how to raise kids or love anyone. He was angry at the world for who-knows-what and his expectations of my mom and us kids were so unbelievably unrealistic. He worked shift-work, so for a few (fantastic) days we wouldn't see him and then when he was around, everyone walked on eggshells. You just never knew what would set him off.
At 12 I discovered boys and they liked me a whole lot more than my dad seemed to, but I was still pretty much a good girl. I needed attention. I needed love. I needed security. What I really needed was a daddy.
At 12 I was also bulimic for several months and tried to overdose on pills. My parents were out and I was babysitting my brothers again. I was lonely and angry and I took every pill I could find (which really wasn't much...probably a handful of extra-strength tylenol)). Then I went to my room in the basement and 'laid down to die'. Later I woke up, my mouth felt swollen and dry. I was dizzy but I crawled up to the 2nd floor to my parents room, where they were now sleeping having come home from wherever they were. I recall so clearly going into my parents room, heaving, sobbing, ashamed, and scared. They sat up in bed, probably pretty freaked out, asking me what was wrong. I just couldn't get the words out. My father looked at me with his glare and said "you're pregnant". That moment is imprinted in my memory. I had barely kissed a boy at that point.
At 14 I met Yvonne. I hadn't had a good Christian friend for many years and my parents had been praying that God would send me one. Yvonne was a real live answer to prayer at a time in my life when I really really needed one. Just after I met her, my dad was transferred to Ottawa and started working there right away. The market was terrible in Wpg at that time and it took 18months for our house to sell. Things were great at home while he was gone, and absolutely unbearable when he was home.
I had met Yvonne at something called Come to the Cross. CTTC was held monthly for youth and organized by youth. The organizers, the band, the speaker...all youth. It was a powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit in a way I had never experienced before. All my years of church I had never known Jesus , but I met Him there. CTTC grew out of almost every church in the city. The worship would go on far longer than planned, no one wanted to leave. It was an amazing time in my life, despite the fact that things at home were getting worse.
Looking back now, I can see what God was doing giving me that amazing experience and the deposit of the Holy Spirit. He knew things were going to get much much harder.
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4 comments:
I love hearing your story...I just always feel so lucky that I get to be a part of it! You were a God-send to me too...I had just moved from another area of the city, and I knew no-one. I met you, and the connection was immediate!
Hey...weird...that was the last time I experienced a big move. Now, when I'm experiencing my second big move of my life...God brings you around again! I guess He thought you did a bang-up-job supporting me the first time...
Wow....I never thought about this before!! Kinda cool, hey?
I always thought that it was YOU who was supporting me back then!
It's always amazing to hear someone's story of redemption.
God bless you Vikki!!
Great Story Vikki! I am still reading if you are still writing! Sounds like God knew what both you and Yvonne needed. He is so awesome! Amazing to be able to look back and see what he was doing for you then. Even the littlest of things ended up have bigger effects down the road.
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