love at first sight (part 1)

Lately I have been really struggling with my son growing up. He will be 12 in August and it brings tears to my eyes every time I think of it.

My husband keeps telling me to 'stop worrying, he's fine'. I know he's fine. I also know that it is an absolute miracle that he is fine. I know that God is the only reason that he is fine. It's sure not thanks to me or his dad. That thought brought me to what has apparently turned out to be 'part 1' of my story. Not really sure I want it on the 'www', but I do know that I never want to forget what God has done for me in my life and this is a good way to remember:

Jon & I met in high school at the very first party I ever went to (it was a pretty small party at that). At the end of gr. 11 I was 16. Very active in Youth Group. Good little church girl. Didn't smoke, swear or do anything else I shouldn't.

I skipped church on a Sunday evening. I think I had one drink and was home by 11. Somehow I got caught and was grounded for 2 weeks.

Long story short, that was the beginning of 13 years of rebellion, pain, sorrow and suffering. Something had changed in my heart and I was done trying to be a good girl, although I didn't realize it right away. I had met Jon at the party that night and he was very interested in me. I didn't know it then but he was not a 'good boy'. His dad was a Pastor at a local church, his parents were warm and loving, I had no idea what I was really getting myself into.

It took a little while for me to realize that this Missionary/Pastor Kid was involved in a lifestyle far different than I had ever experienced. Before long I was drinking and going to parties on a regular basis. It also didn't take long for me to give away my virginity.

Now, I had always had boyfriends, one after another in fact, from the time I was 13. I had dated a lot of really really nice Christian guys. I had 'walked the line', so to speak, but I was keeping myself for marriage and they all respected that.

In the blink of an eye, at 17, I gave it away to Jon (yes in the back of a car). The kicker? It didn't take long for me to find out that he had cheated on me. Nice.

Thus began our off-on relationship from hell. I have never met anyone who can manipulate like Jon (we'll get his story on here later) and I was the perfect girl for him: insecure, naive, love-starved and attention-seeking. He played me like a fiddle and I fell for it every time.

more another day.....